Just looking over my list of thing to do before i hit 30 (or in that year) and it jumped out at me that saying love yourself can seem a little odd.....
And here's why, basically i have struggled for about 2 years now with panic attacks (a big thing to confess on here for the world and my friends to read) but hey-ho here we go.
Panic attacks have pretty much turned my life upside down and about a year ago totally ruined my day to day life. I have lost friends and battled with a massive lack in confidence for a while now, so the concept to love myself is a little odd!
Anyway you will be glad to hear i am feeling allot better. I can now leave the house, go to work, meet my friends, drink!! and meet new people... all of which was a distant dream this time last year.
Its a bizzar thing to have a panic attack where your brain is basically telling you your about to die... It can be for many reasons, i could be about to be hit by the next car coming down the street, i could suddenly take on and have some rare disease that is about to make me instantly die on the spot, or i could have been suffering for years with cancer or some other disease which has never been picked up by the doctors and again i am about to fall down dead.
All these things when you 'doing' a panic are completely realistic and rational and are most definitely happening to me at that moment. However i had to get used to telling myself otherwise..... very difficult but i found some amazing and bizzar ways to get through them! these i may share at a later date...
Anyway i am happy to have shared this and hope that you will not judge, treat anyone different who may suffer and bear in mind we all go thought crap that othet people never see or know about.... so always be understanding to those you care about as they may be going through something like me....
31.8.10
Confusion of day to day life......
so, my daily confusion of where to go and what i actually want to do with my life continues.....
but.....
I have finally completed a full list of those things i want to have done / achieved before I'm 30, or in the year of being 30 (hence giving me a little more time)
1. Love myself / my body
2. Have a complete health check
3. Sing Karaoke
4. Do something for charity
5. Face a fear
6. Run a marathon
7. Drive route 66
8. Party in Hollywood
9. Sell my photography
10. Do a windsurfing course
11. Smile everyday
12. PT for a living
13. Set up Starfish Designs
14. Get Hitched.............
15. Have a weekend in....... New York / Marrakesh / Rome
16. Read the following... One flew over the cuckoo nest / To kill a mocking bird / Animal farm / Of mice and men / Cloud atlas / Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy / Little women / The hound of the baskervilles / Oliver twist / Alice (in wonderland / through the looking glass) / Emma / Lady chatterleys lover / Treasure island / Great expectations / Wuthering heights / sense and sensibility / Tess of the d'urbervilles / Pride and prejudice
Humm... i think this seems like a good list and plenty of time to do it in.... perfect i am smiling already.
but.....
I have finally completed a full list of those things i want to have done / achieved before I'm 30, or in the year of being 30 (hence giving me a little more time)
1. Love myself / my body
2. Have a complete health check
3. Sing Karaoke
4. Do something for charity
5. Face a fear
6. Run a marathon
7. Drive route 66
8. Party in Hollywood
9. Sell my photography
10. Do a windsurfing course
11. Smile everyday
12. PT for a living
13. Set up Starfish Designs
14. Get Hitched.............
15. Have a weekend in....... New York / Marrakesh / Rome
16. Read the following... One flew over the cuckoo nest / To kill a mocking bird / Animal farm / Of mice and men / Cloud atlas / Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy / Little women / The hound of the baskervilles / Oliver twist / Alice (in wonderland / through the looking glass) / Emma / Lady chatterleys lover / Treasure island / Great expectations / Wuthering heights / sense and sensibility / Tess of the d'urbervilles / Pride and prejudice
Humm... i think this seems like a good list and plenty of time to do it in.... perfect i am smiling already.
28.8.10
London Zoo............
London Zoo.... a whole lot of booze and a Happy Birthday to Miss Page!
A real mix of an evening, was brill to get out and do something different and great to see the girls! But the Zoo had a slightly odd atmosphere....
The animals just looked sad and tired, the fences and cages just seems so inhibiting and restraining is was quite sad.
A real mix of an evening, was brill to get out and do something different and great to see the girls! But the Zoo had a slightly odd atmosphere....
The animals just looked sad and tired, the fences and cages just seems so inhibiting and restraining is was quite sad.
However the sun went down slowly as we sat swigging from a champagne bottle the animals went off to bed and seemed fairly happy their day was over.
A few of the other animals i fell in love with.......
And some i didn't........
I guess i was too, having had a stressful week it was good to relax with a few drinks and friends. Tom popped a bottle top in his eye (which looked v.painful) we hit the the tube (with a little wager involved) and we popped off home................
sleep at last.........
27.8.10
26.8.10
6 months to go............ I will highlight as i go!
So, its exactly 6 months till i hit 30! so i thought i would make a little list of things i would like to do before then....
1. Smile everyday.......
2. Decied what the next 5 years holds ?
3. Finish my PT
4. Do another windsurfing course
5. Set up Starfish Designs
Here are a few other people ideas............
1. Go Travelling
2. Get Something Published (does this blog count?)
3. Watch the following films: Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction, Scarface, The Star Wars Trilogy (don't bother with the new ones), Godfather parts I and II, Psycho, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Trainspotting, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Top Gun, American Pie, Gladiator, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Blade Runner, Kill Bill 1 & 2, City of God, The Deer Hunter, Se7en, Fight Club, Back to the Future, Alien and Aliens, Jaws, This Is Spinal Tap, Die Hard, Life of Brian, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Ferris Beuller's Day Off, Life is Beautiful, The Breakfast Club, Grosse Pointe Blank, Stand By Me, Chinatown, The Great Escape, The Outsiders
4. Live in London
5. Learn a 2nd Language
6. Run a marathon
7. Drive the Pacific Coast Highway
8. Have Sex
9. Go to a music Festival (and just booked tickets to next year)
10. Try different foods
11. Get on the property ladder
12. Test yourself: Skydiving, abseiling, bungee jumping - never in a million years, you might think, but there are few better things for you than stepping out of your comfort zone and standing up to your fears. So whatever it is you think you can't do, we promise you'll feel proud of yourself after you've done it…
13. Visit Paris
14. Blow £500 in one night (Thanks you monaco)
15. Get a savings account.... and use it
16. Do something for charity
17. Get yourself on telly (15mins on fame being in james and the giant peach!)
18. Eat at a Michelin starred restaurant (thanks gordon)
19. Quit your job (just done so and left the most god awfel job in the world)
20. Go to a live sporting event (all the GPs in 2008!)
21. Have a weekend in New York
22. Read these books: The Catcher in the Rye, 1984, Romeo and Juliet, the Harry Potter series, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, To Kill a Mockingbird, Brave New World, On the Road, Catch 22, Trainspotting, The Wasp Factory, Lord of the Flies, Fahrenheit 451, Animal Farm, Of Mice and Men, Great Expectations, Tess of the D’Urbevilles, Treasure Island, The Beach, Cloud Atlas, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ulysses, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night time, Life of Pi, The Shining, The Handmaid’s Tale, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Shining, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, A Suitable Boy
23. Own a convertible
24. Buy something really expensive (my new camera!!)
25. Buy wine worth more than £50
26. Sign up to facebook
27. Record your family history
28. Sing Karaoke
29. Have a complete health check
30. Climb a mountain'
'Drive in Manhattan... love your body... get over drugs... have a baby....'
'Visit all 50 states, travel to a foreign country, sky dive, fall in love, have a child, train and race in a triathlon, learn to ballroom dance, learn a 2nd language…'
1. Smile everyday.......
2. Decied what the next 5 years holds ?
3. Finish my PT
4. Do another windsurfing course
5. Set up Starfish Designs
Here are a few other people ideas............
1. Go Travelling
2. Get Something Published (does this blog count?)
3. Watch the following films: Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction, Scarface, The Star Wars Trilogy (don't bother with the new ones), Godfather parts I and II, Psycho, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Trainspotting, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Top Gun, American Pie, Gladiator, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Blade Runner, Kill Bill 1 & 2, City of God, The Deer Hunter, Se7en, Fight Club, Back to the Future, Alien and Aliens, Jaws, This Is Spinal Tap, Die Hard, Life of Brian, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Ferris Beuller's Day Off, Life is Beautiful, The Breakfast Club, Grosse Pointe Blank, Stand By Me, Chinatown, The Great Escape, The Outsiders
4. Live in London
5. Learn a 2nd Language
6. Run a marathon
7. Drive the Pacific Coast Highway
8. Have Sex
9. Go to a music Festival (and just booked tickets to next year)
10. Try different foods
11. Get on the property ladder
12. Test yourself: Skydiving, abseiling, bungee jumping - never in a million years, you might think, but there are few better things for you than stepping out of your comfort zone and standing up to your fears. So whatever it is you think you can't do, we promise you'll feel proud of yourself after you've done it…
13. Visit Paris
14. Blow £500 in one night (Thanks you monaco)
15. Get a savings account.... and use it
16. Do something for charity
17. Get yourself on telly (15mins on fame being in james and the giant peach!)
18. Eat at a Michelin starred restaurant (thanks gordon)
19. Quit your job (just done so and left the most god awfel job in the world)
20. Go to a live sporting event (all the GPs in 2008!)
21. Have a weekend in New York
22. Read these books: The Catcher in the Rye, 1984, Romeo and Juliet, the Harry Potter series, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, To Kill a Mockingbird, Brave New World, On the Road, Catch 22, Trainspotting, The Wasp Factory, Lord of the Flies, Fahrenheit 451, Animal Farm, Of Mice and Men, Great Expectations, Tess of the D’Urbevilles, Treasure Island, The Beach, Cloud Atlas, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ulysses, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night time, Life of Pi, The Shining, The Handmaid’s Tale, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Shining, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, A Suitable Boy
23. Own a convertible
24. Buy something really expensive (my new camera!!)
25. Buy wine worth more than £50
26. Sign up to facebook
27. Record your family history
28. Sing Karaoke
29. Have a complete health check
30. Climb a mountain'
'Drive in Manhattan... love your body... get over drugs... have a baby....'
'Visit all 50 states, travel to a foreign country, sky dive, fall in love, have a child, train and race in a triathlon, learn to ballroom dance, learn a 2nd language…'
25.8.10
Donation please.............
I am creating and need picture / photo frames of all sizes and conditions
if you can help and would like to donate then please let me know and i will give you my address....
Rainbow roses...
I saw these yesterday and all i can say is WOW!
i am in love with a flower.............
i am in love with a flower.............
23.8.10
London or Norfolk ?
What a lot to consider ?
London - Good Times
London - Bad Times
compare the meerkat.....
Hummmmm decision time......
London - Good Times
Cool London Sites
Fun nigths out.......
Oxford St Xmas lights
My Sister...
My friends.......
London - Bad Times
Busy streets...
Expensive
Horrid Tubes
Rude People....
compare the meerkat.....
Norfolk - Good Times
Buying a puppy....
Being by the seaside
Water sports!
My family...
Norfolk - Bad Times
Lots of old people
Boredom can set in!
Hummmmm decision time......
22.8.10
A birthday suprise....
So, had a lovely little evening where i was hoping to be in the front-line to get the shot of a lifetime! Yes Rosey was being thrown a b.day bash.. so here's a few pics of the evening!
despite being called wired! not something a girl likes to hear i had a fun evening...
while sitting there i started thinking....... London or Norfolk ?
despite being called wired! not something a girl likes to hear i had a fun evening...
while sitting there i started thinking....... London or Norfolk ?
21.8.10
where i would prefer to be right now
So, this morning is not what i hoped for!
i would like to take a moment to rewind to a day sitting by the pool, watching the clouds float by......
20.8.10
Day 1
This is a big hello as its my first blog.
I would like to thank my amazing man (AKA Tomtom) for this first post... i am off to do my first photo shoot tomorrow, please wish me luck and hope you enjoy the photo that follow..
x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)